Parents deny 26-year-old daughter the same advantages her younger siblings get, refuse to hear her out when she complains

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jul 14, 2026 10:00 AM EDT

If there is no communication, there is nothing that can be done. If you can't talk about something, then how can you expect it to be resolved? Shutting down is never a helpful thing to do, especially with your family. Maybe things come up that are too difficult to talk about, but you have to put in an honest effort or else things will never get done and you'll be stuck in the same rut forever. 

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  • Cheezburger Image 10647259136
    via Kaspars Eglitis

    A young woman sits with her mother and her younger sibling on a bench

    Subjects are models.

  • Am I in the wrong for telling my mom that it hurts seeing my younger siblings get opportunities I never had?

    I (26F) recently made a post in another subreddit about something I've been struggling. with emotionally, and after reading the responses, I couldn't stop thinking about it. It made me realize I'd been carrying these feelings around for years, and I felt like I needed to tell my mom. For context, I'm the oldest of three. My siblings are about 5 and 7 years younger than me.
    via YokoTheCatLady
  • We grew up lower middle class. We always had what we needed, and we weren't miserable by any means, but bigger financial decisions were difficult. As I've gotten older, I've noticed that my siblings have been given opportunities I never had.
    via YokoTheCatLady
  • For example, I had to switch to a public high school because private school wasn't financially possible. My siblings were later given the choice between public and private schools. When I got accepted into a university in another city, I commuted every day. It became exhausting and affected my studies so much that I eventually dropped out. Renting near campus was never presented as
    via YokoTheCatLady
  • an option. Part of that was financial, but part of it was also my mom's very unhealthy attachment to me. Whether intentionally or not, I was made to feel incredibly guilty for even considering living away from home. Years later, my siblings have been told that if they study in another city, renting there is an option.
    via YokoTheCatLady
  • After I dropped out, I had to give up the field I had always dreamed of pursuing because it simply wasn't realistic anymore. Instead, I enrolled in a different program closer to home so I could work and study at the same time. I ended up enjoying it and don't regret where life has taken me, but it wasn't the path I originally wanted.
    via YokoTheCatLady
  • What makes it especially painful is that my youngest sibling is now pursuing the very field I had dreamed of. My parents are fully behind her, both emotionally and financially. They encourage her to focus only on her studies, reassure her that they'll handle everything else, and never make her feel like she's asking for too much. When I was in her position,
    via YokoTheCatLady

  • But this is much easier said than done, of course, because sometimes there are deep wounds in us and if we scratch at them, they will get worse. The daughter in this story, which she shared on the AITAH subreddit, had a lot to say in this regard. She had problems with the way her parents raised her, and it was continuing to affect her into adulthood. She didn't go into the situation expecting any solutions, but she did want to open up a dialogue. What she got, though, was a whole lot of nothing. 

    When you're the eldest sibling, you might have a very different experience of your parent's parenting style than your younger siblings do. It's a common trope that parents tend to be more strict with their first borns, and they end up assuming more responsibility. Then their younger siblings get a little bit more free reign. This can feel extremely unfair, even though it might be hard to avoid on the parent's end. You change with time and experience, and you can't necessarily help that. The daughter in this story had an extreme version of that, though, where her siblings got a whole different life than she did. When money is tight, parenting is a little different. The eldest daughter here was made to take on a lot more responsibility and had more limited options compared to her younger sibs. She didn't think this was fair, and wanted to air her grievances with her family. They didn't let her do that, though. Keep reading to see what happened.

  • Cheezburger Image 10647259392
    via Alfred Kenneally

    A mom and her grown daughter pose for a picture together

    Subjects are models.

  • I was told to be understanding, that certain things simply weren't possible, and that I had to make compromises. So while I'm genuinely happy that she gets to chase her dream, it's hard not to grieve the fact that I had to let mine go.
    via YokoTheCatLady
  • I don't resent my siblings. I genuinely want them to have better opportunities than I did. I also know my parents' financial situation improved over the years. I understand people mature. Parents learn. Circumstances change.
    via YokoTheCatLady
  • Before talking to my mom, | already knew there wasn't a solution. I wasn't expecting an apology, money, or for anyone to "fix" the past. I knew none of that was possible. I think I just wanted to share how it feels. To let her know that, while I'm happy for my siblings, there's still a part of me that grieves what I didn't have.
    via YokoTheCatLady
  • I chose to talk to my mom rather than my dad because, while he's always been loving and caring, he's also passive. He's never really been the parent who handles these kinds of conversations, so talking to my mom felt more natural. The conversation... didn't really happen.
    via YokoTheCatLady
  • As I started explaining how I felt, she got upset, walked away while I was still talking, and has basically refused to speak to me since. She won't discuss it at all. Now I'm wondering if I crossed a line.
    via YokoTheCatLady
  • Maybe this was something I should have kept to myself because nothing can be changed anyway. Maybe bringing it up only made her feel guilty over things that were outside her control. On the other hand, I don't think children-even adult children— should have to bottle up difficult feelings forever just because there's no practical solution.
    via YokoTheCatLady
  • So... AITAH for bringing this up at all and wanting to have that conversation with my mom?
    via YokoTheCatLady

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